The Real Truth Behind My Creativity and Artistry
“'Behind every great man there's a great woman.” Meryll Frost
We have often heard that quote in one form or another. The first known public citation of this phrase took place in a 1946 article in the Texas newspaper The Port Arthur News, from February 1946. Meryll Frost, being heralded by this report as the ‘Most courageous athlete of 1945’. When asked how he had been able to make a ‘come back’ as a quarterback, what he actually said was, “They say behind every great man there's a woman. While I'm not a great man, there's a great woman behind me."
That quote, in one form or another, had been in use for many years before it appeared in that newspaper article. Countless times throughout my 63 years of life I have heard that quote and found it to be quite inspiring and quite true…to a certain degree. It has certainly given me pause to stop and think about my personal success as a man and how much of that success I attribute to my wife. I do not consider myself a great man, but I do feel I have been successful in my life and in the callings God has placed upon my life. Still, I recently came up with what I consider to be a more accurate representation of the sentiment.
“Behind every successful man is not a great woman. The greater truth is this: She is beside him. She is with him…not behind him. They are one.” Dennis Jernigan
On August 12, 1983, I was humbled and blessed and fortunate enough to be married to the most beautiful, most gifted, most giving, most patient, most creative, most encouraging woman: Melinda Marie Hewitt. Seven years into our marriage, the music I was writing began to be published and recorded and began being sung by churches literally around the world. Since the late 1980s, I have been the public face of that music and the public persona of subsequent offshoots of that music, authoring many books, recording podcasts, and sharing my story in public venues. People hear and see me…but they miss the foundational truth of the creativity I have been blessed with.
“Aside from my faith in God and His blessings upon my life and creativity, my wife, Melinda, is the true inspiration of all I have appeared to have accomplished. She is the reason for any success I have had.” Dennis Jernigan
Here is a simple snippet of what is the true reality of my success. I am truly a melancholy person, at times moody and introspective and introverted. While I thoroughly enjoyed the many hundreds of public worship concert appearances I made throughout the years, I prefer being alone. As an example, when at a public gathering or party, I find the nearest corner and hide out there…and am completely happy doing so!
My wife realized such things about me early on and recognized that this melancholia and introversion were actually gifts from God for use in creating music and other writing pursuits. She went out of her way to give me creative room in which to birth the music and books…even though we had 9 children together!
She gave me creative freedom the moment she noticed the tell-tale signs that God was speaking to my soul and she did something amazing. She encouraged the children to recognize the same signs and encouraged them to give me room to be alone in my creative space. This freed me to be ultra creative and simultaneously freed me to spend literally hours with my children each week. She spoke highly of me to our children during my alone times and encouraged them to pray for me.
This gave me such a keen sense of freedom and inspiration and joy that it made me want to be home. I spent not just quality time with my children but quantity time. My wife encouraged me to be the fun dad and encouraged the children to greet me at the door when I came home from work. Encouraged them to wrestle me to the ground. Encouraged me to play hour upon hour of basketball and create so many memories with our children. Melinda’s blessing of freeing me to be creative actually created more time with me and my children…and with her.
Melinda set such an amazing tone in our home that she was actually the catalyst behind the activities I often got the credit for. We had talent shows, ski trips, tennis tournaments, baseball games, played Annie Over, had mega-wrestling matches which often left me asleep on the floor out of sheer and joyful exhaustion with the children piled atop me. We spent hours riding horses, roller blading while being towed behind the horse and buggy, going on scavenger hunts, riding bikes down the hill and onto the skate board ramp and into the pool (that summer, Melinda wondered how tread marks could have been produced in the deep end of the pool…I finally had to tell her, lol!). We built igloos in the winter, had massive paint ball battles, bottle rocket battles, built a dock on the pond, built a tree house in a massive oak tree, went fishing, camping, and exploring and countless other family adventures.
One of my favorite memories with the children was the time I put on over 25 t-shirts (people who sponsored my events and representatives of the venues I performed in often gave me a commemorative t-shirt) and announce to the children, “It’s Tear-the-shirts-off-dad Day…as they chased me around the yard for quite awhile, tearing and ripping away all 25 shirts! Melinda even let me take the kids in the van and chase after tornados! I got credit for being fun dad…but she is the reason that was even possible.
The great truth of our family and it’s success is directly related to my wife. We are not a perfect family and were certainly far from perfect parents, but she was quick to admit her shortcomings and quick to seek the forgiveness of our children…and taught me to do the same. She is the reason our children are half-way normal, lol!
Quite simply, she did the heavy lifting in our family dynamic. We were a team, but she was the head cheer leader and coach and trainer and…you get the idea! She took our 9 children with her anywhere and everywhere all by herself. She made sure they learned how to work hard…to do their own laundry…to cook for themselves…to be polite and courageous…to be life-givers and grace-givers and to be kind to those in need around them in spite of any differences. She disciplined them and she handled our finances and she made many home repairs herself. She even homeschooled them for ten years! Our children are so wise and expressive and courageous because of who their mother is.
Due to my testimony, I receive (still to this day) hundreds and hundreds of positive comments from people who have been ministered to by something I have said or written. The response to my ministry has been honestly positive and overwhelming…but I tend to get that one negative response out of the hundreds and focus on that. Melinda is the one who helps me reset my thoughts and focus on the positive rather than the negative. She always - even now that I struggle with Parkinson’s - makes me believe I can do anything.
I am glass half empty guy. She is glass half full woman. She has been and continues to be the essence of joy and peace and grace and life to me. She is beautiful inside and out and honestly makes me look good.
Another reason she is the reason for any success I have attained is that she never, ever pressured me to measure my success by the world’s standards. I never felt I had to perform for her or anyone else to gain approval or affirmation or love. She made me feel so affirmed and loved that I found my introverted personality able and excited to perform publicly BECAUSE I felt - feel - so loved.
Melinda celebrates the small things with me…regardless of what those small things might be.
Melinda gives herself to me fully, freely, and at all times and in every way. I feel I am the most blessed man on earth…and now you understand a bit more about why we have 9 children…
She is so sure of who she is in Christ that she exudes a victorious attitude rather than the attitude of a victim, even though she has experienced so much pain in her life that she has every right to play the victim card. That is just not who she is…and that is contagious.
Some things you should know about her…
She can make or do anything she puts her mind to. She constantly reminds me that we are a team and is not afraid to face anything with me…even growing old with me. We still slow dance together every once in awhile and it feels like heaven on earth to hold her and to be held by her.
She has always been beside me. She has pulled me up from the pit of despair on more than one occasion, held my hand through unbearable loss, been with me through unbearable betrayal, been with me and fought for me when I was too weak to fight for myself.
She is a beacon of light in my dark times. She makes Parkinson’s seem more of an annoyance and an inconvenience than an illness.
She is honest with me. She continues to let me dream. She continues to love everything I create. She honestly gives me a reason to wake up every day. She honestly makes me feel like a man in spite of my weakening physical body. She makes me laugh without trying…which is so endearing and precious to me.
You get the idea. I have hundreds of songs published and recorded and sung around the world and dozens of books and over 200 podcasts and my music has been shared literally millions of times via social media and even a documentary of my life story has been filmed. I have had songs chart on the Billboard top 40. I have even been inducted into the Oklahoma Music Hall of Fame. I have sung in front of thousands of people through the years - 60,000 people in one concert setting. I have written the National Day of Prayer theme song twice and sung at the Pentagon 3 times…and on and on and on. In the world’s eyes, it would seem I have been successful. The real truth?
Her faith in and love for the Lord have deeply inspired me to keep seeking Jesus and to keep choosing joy in my life. Any success I have seemed to attain is quite honestly due to the greatness and grace of my wife. Her name should be on every song…on every book cover…on every podcast…on every public interview or appearance I have made through the years.
The greatest expression of love is the laying down of life for another. My wife has literally laid down her life for me. I feel so loved…and that makes me feel like I have attained the greatest success…like I have attained greatness. And the truth is, I have attained greatness…and her name is Melinda Marie Jernigan…
Dennis Jernigan
Proverbs 31:10-11, 25, 28, 30 NASB:
An excellent wife, who can find [her?]
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband [also,] and he praises her…Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
[But] a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
P. S. I thought you might enjoy this variation on the quote:
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” Jim Carrey
To hear The Dennis Jernigan Podcast version of this blog and to hear the song, You Are My Hero, go to http://podcast.dennisjernigan.com/e/you-are-my-hero-mother-s-day/
