This week I am sharing the story behind one of my most personal and intimate songs. It is called Song of Hope. There is so much I could say about this song. So much of my identity in Christ. So much of my calling in life. So much of my passion for others to know the healing love of Jesus I have come to know. So much gratitude to God for all He has done. So much the toll it has taken upon my life. So worth everything I have gone through to know intimacy with Christ.
You see, on November 7, 1981, I walked out of a homosexual identity and into the identity of a new creation in Christ. I had dreamed since the time I was a little boy of one day being set free from same sex attraction. I grew up hearing sermons telling me how much God loved me but how much of an abomination same sex attraction was to Him. I saw absolutely no hope and felt I was condemned to hell…and my early life was like a living hell on earth because I had to live two lives. One life of doing all the right things people expected me to do and the other life of hiding who I truly felt I was.
Imagine my surprise when God’s love broke through the lies I had been believing about myself and released me to a freedom I had only dreamed might be possible. I felt completely loved and completely accepted and completely new.
When God delivered me I immediately wanted others to know the healing I had come to know…but I was warned by a counselor that I should not say anything about the specifics of my hidden life because the church would not be so accepting. I was advised that I am not responsible for anyone else’s choices but my own and was told to forget about my past because God had forgotten about it so there was no need to bring it up ever again.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our wrongdoings from us.
Psalm 103:12 NASB
This was great news to me…at first…because I felt my past would bring shame upon me and mark me for life. The only thing keeping quiet about my sin did for me was to keep me living in fear of being found out. In the core of my being I ached to be able to tell others of the amazing work Jesus Christ had done in and for me. Since I was trapped in fear, I did the next best thing. I wrote a song to express the heart I longed to share with others. This song speaks for itself. It is my heart’s deepest cry.
The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not willing for any to perish, but for all to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9 NASB
Jesus does not want anyone to perish in unwanted sin. Quite the opposite. He gave His very life for people like me…for people like you. It took about 7 years from the moment of my initial freedom to the moment I shared my story publicly for the first time. I was given a brand new identity in November of 1981 and shared with my church body in July of 1988. The reason I broke my silence? Two things opened my heart to be able to receive the grace to share my story. First:
Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good,
For His mercy is everlasting.
The redeemed of the LORD shall say [so,]
[Those] whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy…
Psalm 107:1-2 NASB
If we who are redeemed do not share what we have been redeemed from, how in the world are those struggling in the same manner ever going to know freedom is possible?
The second thing that pushed me over the edge of telling my story was quite simple. I remembered being a young boy wishing someone would tell me freedom was possible. The least I could do was to tell my generation that freedom was possible through faith and an intimate relationship with Jesus.
Song of Hope means so much more to me now than the moment I wrote it so long ago. It’s been almost 39 years since I wrote the song (December 6, 1983) and almost 41 years since I was set free. God is very patient…and the song is even more relevant today than it was some 39 years ago. I pray it brings you a deeper measure of hope in your own life as you listen to it. I pray that it brings others - for generations to come - into an awareness of their need for a Savior and, as a result, place their hope and faith in Jesus Christ.
Dennis Jernigan
To hear The Dennis Jernigan Podcast version of this blog and to hear Song of Hope, go to http://podcast.dennisjernigan.com/e/song-of-hope/
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