Today I am going to tell you the brief story behind one of my favorite worship songs called I Cry Holy. The song came to me on March 26, 2000. For as long as I have been writing songs (receiving songs), I have tried to document the story behind each song as a sort of legacy I ;eave my children and grandchildren for generations to come. This song was no different. Way back in March of 2000, the first words I wrote about the way this song was birthed are as follows:
“When feeling wounded, disappointed, and physically drained after surgery…” I’ll share a bit more about that surgery in a few moments, but need to share more of the background that led to this particular heart cry.
This song came after an intense spiritual battle. Spiritual battles, when coupled with physical fatigue, can lead us to the point of despair rather quickly. The context of that battle for me came in the form of sharing my testimony in the state of Vermont immediately after the Vermont State House of Representatives had approved a same-sex union bill. I came away from that time in Vermont deeply affected at the intense loneliness and anxiety I felt when facing those who mock and belittle God’s Word and people.
In the area of personal relationships, I was facing conflict with some dear friends…knowing there was a need for restored intimacy but dreading the pain that process might require. Coming home from Vermont with that heaviness on my heart then immediately the following morning heading into surgery to remove a lump (benign) from my back, I was overwhelmed with vain imaginations. By the following Sunday, I had felt deep disappointment and went to church hoping for relief. I didn’t last long, though. People, glad to see me, kept slapping me on the back….so I was an emotional and physical wreck simply from avoiding these boisterous greetings!
I went home alone and did the only thing I knew to do. I worshiped my God in spite of all these circumstances. This song is the result of that worship time…and it is one of my favorite songs Father has ever given me! I am also glad to say that my time in Vermont left me even more convinced that my life is worth sharing with others. My back quickly got back to normal! And my relationship turmoil was settled and intimacy was restored! God’s presence, love, and grace are indeed “Beautiful!”
One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD
And to meditate in His temple.
Psalm 27:4 NASB
Now this song means even more to me than the first day I wrote over 21 years ago! Battling Parkinson’s - I know I bring it up a lot - is a real battle. Not only do I have to struggle with the physical strain upon my body and my physical brain, but I have to struggle with the lies of the enemy in a whole new way.
Parkinson’s wears on my thought-life on the physical level which only magnifies the grace required to battle the lies of the enemy which are normal to every human being on a spiritual level. Some days I feel like I have been through literal war both physically and mentally. During such moments, my identity becomes more difficult to hang on to. The big temptation? To allow Parkinson’s to define me…as something less than a man…less than a husband…less than a conqueror…less than a dad…less than a granddad…less than who my heavenly Father says I am. What do I do? I focus on something - and Someone - other than myself.
Worship tends to be my go-to response during such intense warfare. God’s presence tends to be the Shelter for my mind. The ugliness of a debilitating illness is replaced with the beauty of God’s holy, perfect love for me. Worship reminds me like nothing else of who and of Whose I am. I CHOOSE to see God’s beauty in each situation of my life…look for every unseen facet I have overlooked before…worship Him for the beauty of His holy, perfect love for me.
Finally, brothers [and sisters,] whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 NASB
Dennis Jernigan
To hear The Dennis Jernigan Podcast of this story and to hear the song, Beautiful, go to http://podcast.dennisjernigan.com/e/beautiful-1617120158/
Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/morning-sip-wood-anemone-flower-4284120/